January 2012
38 posts
1 tag
Let me make this perfectly clear
I am not a Football fan.
And you’re like “Well, maybe you’d enjoy fantasy football. It’d help you to appreciate the sport more and watch more of the games to care about them.”
But I’m not a Football fan.
That’s like me going up to you and saying “Hey, you like The Black Keys? You should get into Lightnin’ Hopkins who basically taught them...
yours truly - “Last Call” [demo -...
On Etta James
The world truly lost something special with Etta James. We should all feel blessed to even have existed in the same universe as her. To me, this is more painful and heartbreaking than the death of Michael Jackson.
Certainly James’ life wasn’t taken from her as ungracefully as Jackson’s. She lived her life (almost) fully, and even up until her last show some 3+ months ago there...
2 tags
Not picking favorites [sans her name]
Her [33]: So, Pizza Tommy, I've heard a lot about of you.
Pizza Tommy [78]: Oh yeah? What did you hear?
Her: I heard you run a pizza shop, hence the name. I also heard Elliott loves you and I've heard you love Frank Sinatra.
Pizza Tommy: You've got most of that right, but Elliott doesn't love me.
Her: I know for a fact that's not true; he alleges he never likes to pick favorites, but he's talked about you moreso to me than anyone else he's sees here.
Pizza Tommy: Look, sweetheart, I'm gonna' ask you this only once: You see this brace on my arm?
Her: I do! What happened?!
Pizza Tommy: Why don't you ask your boy Elliott?
Her [to me]: What happened to Tommy's arm?
Me: I...Um...I don't want to tell you.
Pizza Tommy: See, what did I say?
Her: C'mon! This is poppycock! Just tell me! At least you, Tommy!
Pizza Tommy: You really want to know?
Her: Yes, of course!
Pizza Tommy: My dick fell on it. It was too heavy for my arm to support.
...and that was the longest joke I ever held out for. Somehow me and her are still talking.
Just got into a heated argument over The Wire's...
Her choice: Stringer Bell.
Mine: Kima Greggs.
Her justification: “While Avon is a family man and Omar obviously is a modern-day Robin Hood, Stringer serves no point other than to be a self-serving asshole.”
My justification: “Stringer is strictly a business man. He’s not pure evil, he’s just looking out for Stringer Bell — Fuck, the guy even took community...
1 tag
WatchA new local band has caught my ear called The Fuckies (Pittsburgh, you’re on a roll with great new band names right now).
Here’s them doing the World War II classic “We’ll Meet Again,” and doing a nice job of it.
Things That Are Still Great After All These Years:
- Fingering
Thread of the Day: so i'm taking a girl to olive... →
A few highlights:
- “tell her this is the classiest place you’ve ever eaten.”
- “order spaghetti with meatballs and place a breadstick in between two of them and ask her if your plate reminds her of anything as you stare at her, stroking your straw”
- “Make sure when your server asks you for your drink order you insist on smelling the lid of the...
1 tag
On the subject of "Hipsters."
Pittsburgh’s biggest newspaper is writing an article on “hipsters” mainly because of this article that was published by The Washington Post a few weeks back that called Pittsburgh the new Portland. The writer of the article got ahold of me yesterday and asked me what I thought of the term and does Pittsburgh have any “hipsters” or should we expect them here shortly...
Fairytale elsewhere; reality in Pittsburgh.
Putting this back up by request from last night after I very quickly set it to private. This was last night at the after-hours bar.
Her: Was that you on the front cover of the Pittsburgh City Paper last week?
Me [lowering voice]: Yes.
Her: I like your philosophy on music; not writing sad songs or political songs and all that. I checked your music out online too. You seem like you write songs strictly for the sake of performing them live.
Me: Thank you! Somebody gets it! That's totally right! It's not that I don't have those things to say, it's just that I don't want to write about them.
Her: I definitely got that vibe from the story. So, you were engaged?
Me: Yes, and I wish they hadn't printed that. That's the one thing I'm pissed about on the article.
Her: Why?
Me: Well, because first of all I knew my ex-fiancee would read it and I don't want to upset her. There's no animosity there, it just didn't work out. I get why they printed it -- they wanted to humanize me and make me relate to others with big problems and they did that successfully in that regard -- but I'm almost certain I said "That's off the record" and they printed it anyway. The second reason is because I hate all that's stemmed from it.
Her: Like what?
Me: Well, for starters, it was printed during a week when a lot of folks I went to high school with were back in town. Some of those women felt they could use it as an excuse to get close to me and I wasn't feeling that.
Her: What?!
Me [sarcastically]: Oh, thanks!
Her: No, don't get me wrong! You're definitely an attractive guy and charming, but did that really happen?
Me: It really did. It actually sucked more than it being cool in a I-had-such-a-crush-on-you-in-high-school-and-here-we-are-now satisfaction way. Pittsburgh's a small town; you get your face on a publication like that and people just come out of the woodwork.
Her: So, you're like totally famous now.
Me: Probably only for the next 2-3 weeks or so and only "Pittsburgh famous." I imagine this is pretty similar to people around here saying "Pittsburgh rich" to describe someone who makes a salary over $30,000.
Her: Well, I'm not going to lie. I didn't go to your high school, I never had a crush on you then, I've only known you for like 20 minutes, but I have a crush on you now and I want to kiss you. And it's all because I'm fairly drunk, I saw you on the front cover of the City Paper and because I like your story and your philosophy.
Me: Really? That's it?
Her: When's the next time I'm going to be able to say that I kissed a character in a story I fell in love with?
Me: Did you really just say that? Do you know how much you've just objectified me in the last two things that you've said? I'm not Holden Caulfield, sister. I'm real and that was my actual story.
Her: Shit! I just blew it! Okay...well...the Steelers lost to a guy who looks like he's in the presence of Excalibur every time he scores a touchdown and this sucks?
Me: I'll meet you outside in 5.
1 tag
Consuming Your Tumblr Page
With tour dates! Just look at this monster!
3/21 - Pittsburgh, PA
3/22 - Jamestown, NY
3/23 - Jamestown, NY
3/24 - Upstate NY / PA
3/25 - Elizabethtown or Harrisburg, PA
3/26 - Sidewalk Cafe Open Mic - NYC
3/28 - Jalopy Theater - NYC
3/29 - Sidewalk Residency - NYC
3/30 - Tivoli, NY
3/31 - Boston, MA
4/1 - MA / VT / MN
4/2 - MA / VT / MN
4/3 - MA / VT / MN
4/4 - CT / MA
4/5 -...
1 tag
1 tag
Things I'd Like To See vol. 647
A band that’s really together musically but has a dog as a drummer.
And all that dog does is fart on a snare drum.
I've been growing a beard since November.
And folks seem to like it.
When they ask me if I like it, I reply “It’s growing on me.”
December 2011
48 posts
yours truly - “Giving Up Love” (Demo)
...
1 tag
I wonder if very soon we'll see teenagers
bumpin’ to Bach and Rachmaninoff to be rebel against the music their parents grew up with.
yours truly - “I Could Have Danced All...
Did you get a bass guitar for Christmas?
Blitzkrieg Bop: A (5th fret on the E string a.k.a. the fat one on top) D (5th fret on the A string a.k.a. the next fattest string) E (7th fret on the A string) G (3rd fret on the E string) A-D-E A-D-E A-D-E A-D-A E-A-D-A E-G-D-A
That’s all you need to know. Now start a band!
The Umbrella Man: the best film of 2011 is less... →
I could’ve spent years with a psychologist and spent thousands of dollars to know why my brain operates the way that it does, but in these 7 minutes where Erroll Morris interviews Josiah Thompson about a mystery figure present at the Kennedy Assassination, my boundless optimism and positivism gets fully explained. By the time it’s over, I felt like somebody had distilled me down to an...