Kris Kristofferson's Beard | Fairytale elsewhere; reality in Pittsburgh.

Fairytale elsewhere; reality in Pittsburgh.

Putting this back up by request from last night after I very quickly set it to private. This was last night at the after-hours bar.
Her: Was that you on the front cover of the Pittsburgh City Paper last week?
Me [lowering voice]: Yes.
Her: I like your philosophy on music; not writing sad songs or political songs and all that. I checked your music out online too. You seem like you write songs strictly for the sake of performing them live.
Me: Thank you! Somebody gets it! That's totally right! It's not that I don't have those things to say, it's just that I don't want to write about them.
Her: I definitely got that vibe from the story. So, you were engaged?
Me: Yes, and I wish they hadn't printed that. That's the one thing I'm pissed about on the article.
Her: Why?
Me: Well, because first of all I knew my ex-fiancee would read it and I don't want to upset her. There's no animosity there, it just didn't work out. I get why they printed it -- they wanted to humanize me and make me relate to others with big problems and they did that successfully in that regard -- but I'm almost certain I said "That's off the record" and they printed it anyway. The second reason is because I hate all that's stemmed from it.
Her: Like what?
Me: Well, for starters, it was printed during a week when a lot of folks I went to high school with were back in town. Some of those women felt they could use it as an excuse to get close to me and I wasn't feeling that.
Her: What?!
Me [sarcastically]: Oh, thanks!
Her: No, don't get me wrong! You're definitely an attractive guy and charming, but did that really happen?
Me: It really did. It actually sucked more than it being cool in a I-had-such-a-crush-on-you-in-high-school-and-here-we-are-now satisfaction way. Pittsburgh's a small town; you get your face on a publication like that and people just come out of the woodwork.
Her: So, you're like totally famous now.
Me: Probably only for the next 2-3 weeks or so and only "Pittsburgh famous." I imagine this is pretty similar to people around here saying "Pittsburgh rich" to describe someone who makes a salary over $30,000.
Her: Well, I'm not going to lie. I didn't go to your high school, I never had a crush on you then, I've only known you for like 20 minutes, but I have a crush on you now and I want to kiss you. And it's all because I'm fairly drunk, I saw you on the front cover of the City Paper and because I like your story and your philosophy.
Me: Really? That's it?
Her: When's the next time I'm going to be able to say that I kissed a character in a story I fell in love with?
Me: Did you really just say that? Do you know how much you've just objectified me in the last two things that you've said? I'm not Holden Caulfield, sister. I'm real and that was my actual story.
Her: Shit! I just blew it! Okay...well...the Steelers lost to a guy who looks like he's in the presence of Excalibur every time he scores a touchdown and this sucks?
Me: I'll meet you outside in 5.

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whyamiinseminary said: i’m going start saying “i’m not holden caulfield, sister” to anybody who asks me to do anything. dan, can you book a room for this meeting next week? i’m not holden caulfield, sister.
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